Longing
by Coolfire30
Summary: Longing made her decision before her mind could comprehend. Longing is what killed her before, and longing is what breaks her now. Beautiful in her pain and beautiful she stays. She's a contradiction of herself, Strong yet weak, naive but wise. Will she break the barrier of her memories of trust and of love? *Eventual InuTaishouXKagXSess current KanaXKag*
1. Prologue

_**Prologue**_

 _ **Pairings: ~ Eventual InuTaisho x Kagome x Sesshoumaru**_

 _ **~ Past Kagome x Inuyasha**_

 _ **~ Present Kagome x Kaname**_

 **A/ N: - See end of chapter -**

 **Disclaimer: Neither Inuyasha nor Vampire Knight belongs to me but their respective authors/owners. ( I mean I would be a hella lot richer than** I **am now smh)**

•.X.•

 **SUMMARY**

It did not surprise Kagome with his inability to choose. She saw the signs early on in this relationship, but longing made her decision before her mind could comprehend. Longing is what killed her before, and longing is what breaks her now.

Her spirit weary, her heart broken beyond repair, her eyes dull, her smiles full of lies and deceit and her face... oh her face so beautiful. Beautiful enough to mask the emptiness of her soul. This is who she is now, this is what love left her.

* * *

Sesshoumaru looks toward the sunrise seemingly taunting him in all its glory, a new day, a new day without her...

Always, before and even now. A few moments of realization and enlightenment turned to wariness and fright. Those few moments are what haunts him, tears at him at night or in the day when he sees even a hint of those electric cerulean blues on faceless bodies. Those eyes that _stared_ at him during _that time_ in _that life-altering moment._

Birds nesting in the nearby forest screeched in alarm and flew as far away as their wings could take them as a burst of tremendous youki filled the area.

Almost immediately after his tight control was broken, a girl-child rose near him seemingly unaware of the immediate danger being close to one such as he, uttered words that only few would dare ask. "Are you well my lord"

Reining his troublesome youki in, his eyes softened if only for a moment at the girl-child. " It is nothing you should worry about **Rin** "

Though he says that, he knows that the time for waiting is over, questions must be asked and the truth questioned.

•.X.•

 **A/ N: Well well well... it seems that I finally had the courage to post this...this whatever it is. If people actually like this I'd faint. Heck of even a single person reviewed/commented on this poor excuse of a chapter I'd be ecstatic. I'll update regularly if that one review comes. Unless of course if some poor reason made me unable to do so, but that's unlikely cause I have no life...literally. If any of whoever is actually interested have any ideas on how you want me to go about for this story just PM me, but I have the general gist of the layout/plot. But opinions and ideas are always welcome if that time ever comes where I get writers' block, which is inevitable, unfortunately. Oh and one last thing before I end this ridiculously long authors note, tell me if you want the chapters longer or nah. I'll prolly be inconsistent on the size for a few chapters tho sooo I can't do much about that.**


	2. Gold and Red

**Chapter 1 - Gold and Red**

 **A/ N: - See end of chapter -**

 **Disclaimer: Neither Inuyasha nor Vampire Knight belongs to me but their respective authors/owners. ( I mean I would be a hella lot richer than** I **am now smh)**

* * *

 _Italics = Thoughts_

 ** _Bold/Italics = Visions_**

 **Bold/Underline** = **Sound Effects**

 **Bold = Important/Notable detail**

* * *

 _ **•.X.•**_

 _ **A pair of golden amber eyes...**_

 _ **Silky silver hair framing his faceless body...**_

 _ **A faint scent of rainforests and fresh lavender...**_

 _ **A sword? Swords?**_

 _ **A flash of bright iridescent light...**_

 _ **A voice...**_

 _ **Leave...LEAVE...please...**_

 _ **Someday you'll remember...someday you'll remember everything...**_

- _ome..._

- _gome..._

-Kagome!

Startled Kagome more awake than ever sprung out of bed. Squinting up at her best friend Ayumi, the only one who stayed from their original group of 4 when they caught wind of her troubles.

"Mah Ayumi, what is it?"

Ayumi gives Kagome an exasperated look. _"_ Really Kagome," Ayumi says wide-eyed. "We're gonna be late for Yagari-sensei's class,"

Kagome took a single look at her friend's sudden change of demeanor she sighed. "Fine, fine but only because it's you okay? Oh, I know you just want to catch Toga-san sleeping, don't think I don't notice how early it still is."

"You don't understand, he's so-so beautiful you know? With the rough way he acts, don't you ever wonder how he'd perform in bed?"

Slowly turning her head at her friend's less than proper implications, Kagome squinted her eyes at Ayumi, "No."

"Well, hmph your loss then. I'll be waiting for you in class while I go sneak a peek at our very own Forbidden teacher," Ayumi made her way out of Kagome's room, but as she neared the door she turned.

"And Gome-chan...you need to get over Inuyasha sometime, its unhealthy Kagome. I-I worry about you sometimes." Without waiting for an answer she turned and closed the door, but not before muttering, " _damn, I have to walk so far, why is her place so far from campus anyways..._."

 **sigh**

 _I know Ayumi, I know but it's for your own protection. But it's hard knowing that just by being near me I put you in more danger than you ought to be. It's hard having met no one who I can fully_ _ **trust,**_ _and tell them the whole truth of what and who I am. It's hard seeing silver hair and golden eyes staring back at you in every man or boy you meet. Being haunted by the **past** , it's comforting but maddening. I'm a broken woman. I mean who'd want someone like me. Someone who's constantly dragged down by the past, someone who carries baggage. I'm better off being alone where I can hurt no one, better off being alone where I don't slow anyone down. Even you Ayu-chan, you who is the closest __**human**_ _being to me, know nothing of my **adventures in The Feudal Era**..._

Closing her eyes, Kagome finished her inner monologue and readied herself for the day. She started her daily normal routine, to take a shower, to dress, eat and attend classes.

But normalcy wasn't what she wanted though, she didn't want to live a normal life anymore. To someday have a mediocre lifestyle, waking up every morning just to go to a normal 9 to 5 job, working under someone who she'll never get to know. To come home to a normal household filled with normal happy memories. Cooking dinner every night, welcoming home a loving husband and children, and finally sleeping only to wake up doing the same mundane things 'till she dies, doing nothing out of the ordinary, leaving nothing of importance in the world, making no mark in her life.

No, she didn't want that. Not after visiting The feudal Era 500 years in the past through an old sealed well in her family's sacred well-house. Releasing a hanyou from a tree, breaking a supposedly innocent bauble but was, in fact, a powerful jewel that could somehow grant the desires of anyone. And definitely not after fighting demons, witnessing **the supernatural** and saving the world from a detestable **spider who just wouldn't die**. In fact, said hanyou was now **trapped in the Shikon no Tama** that now serves as a prison, and the resting place of all beings that it's managed to cling on to. But after The Final Battle, _something_ or _someone_ forced her to leave and go back to her own time, unwillingly and unknowingly, until she felt that familiar tingle every time she passed through the run-down well. And The Shikon no Tama that allowed her to live in an anime like world, lay inside her drawer, protected by one of her _hidden sutras_ , untouched but _never forgotten._

 _Fate is cruel, fate only seems to want me to suffer..._ _The gods must be laughing right now. Me, poor Kagome, poor her. unsatisfied with being alive. Unsatisfied with herself..._

Snapping out of her reverie Kagome took a step in her shower, turned the knob and released yet another sigh. In midst of her cleanse she notices her scar, the scar Mistress Centipede gave her whilst snatching the jewel that used to lay in her hip. She touched it, it was the only blemish on her skin she deemed of importance. The others that mar her pale skin were nothing more than a fleeting injury, a fleeting memory she acquired in the many battles that preserved her life. Among all the other water drops a steady flow of tears came running down her her face.

"Enough, enough Kagome. They're gone, they've continued their lives," Kagome whispered, " _Without you..._ "

Quickly finishing her shower she stepped out and continued her daily morning routine. After drying herself she mechanically picked her Day class uniform and made her way towards the vanity mirror. Combing her long raven black hair and fixing her red ribbon she glanced up at her appearance. Gingerly her hands made its way on her supple nearly red-pink lips, then to her high refined pale cheekbones, and finally to the electric blue gem-like eyes that adorn her now mature face. Eyes that have seen too much of death, too much of the darker side of humanity, of life. She is no longer the naive teenager she once was, someone who looked for the brighter things in life, an optimist. No, not anymore, not when she knows that in every person, in every being a monster hides. Our inner demons born of fear, anger, and hatred. Waiting for the most inopportune moment in our lives, striking when you're at your weakest and leaving you on the verge of collapse.

 **CRACK**

She subconsciously released an influx of **Youki** , cracking her mirror and windows. With her mouth open, hands covering the sides of her face leaving only her eyes to be seen. Her cracked mirror showed more than what she wanted, the fractured pieces that cut deep into her soul reflected her glowing bright blue eyes, now circled by **gold and silver** rings. She dropped onto the ground, slicing the side of her foot. The slow trickle of life-blood seeping into the ancient wood panelings going unnoticed too consumed in her trance-like thoughts.

 ** _A pair of golden amber eyes..._**

 ** _A faint scent of rainforests and fresh lavender..._**

 _ **It's for the best...**_

 _ **I NEED TO PROTECT YOU...I can't fail again...**_

 _ **Trust me...please...**_

 ** _Someday you'll remember...someday you'll remember everything..._**

"WHO, WHO ARE YOU." she screamed to no one in particular, "...make it stop...please make it stop. I don't want to remember..."

Moments passed until she finally calmed herself to a point where she could think logically. She noticed her now aching foot and against her better judgment she tested how painful it would be to stand. Hissing she made her way towards the first aid and sanitized the wound. Willing her **powers** to heal the minor injury, **a slight pink aura** surrounded it as the flesh inched closer and closer until finally, the cut was no more.

 **sigh**

 _If only I mastered my powers back then...maybe, maybe I would have been a lot more useful to our cause, useful to him. It's too late now, regrets won't change anything. In this life, the supernatural are just are mere figments of their imagination. No one understands..._

Pushing her emotions down deep inside her she resolved her inner battle and stood, slightly wincing. She grabbed her wallet and left, the door slamming in her ire.

The walk to the main building of Cross academy was filled with silence. Kagome keeping only to herself as she strode towards her Ethics class, the hall was lit a buzz with idle chatter, the students whispering praise of her beauty and elegance as she walked on past. Rumors circulating about her usual silent and stoic demeanor. The sole gossip in the campus about how she should've been placed in the Night class spreading. But Kagome paid no heed to the scandals, there was no point. After all, how could have they known how much pain and suffering she's gone through, how could they have known that beneath the glamour a spiteful and bitter beast rest. How could they have known that her beauty was only skin deep, and under her clothes the scars of battle lie. No, they could not have known. That is why she lets them be, lets them talk about the trivial and superficial things about her.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Looking straight ahead, never looking back. To look back was to die, it was ingrained into her very soul. By the one she lost in time, and the one she used to love.

 _Inuyasha..._

"Al-right, my lovelies, boys, and girls it's time for school! Move it move it move it. Don't let me catch you skipping out on your classes." The headmaster announced over the speaker.

As Kagome neared the Ethics room, high pitched screams could be heard. Fastening her pace she reached the room, outwardly she seemed calm and collected, but inside she was panicking. Her battle instincts stepped into place, her muscles tight and her **Miko Ki** readied for combat. She burst into the room stopping only after seeing Toga-san's fangirls all over him. Her eyes narrowed slightly at the scene. Toga who was openly staring at her since she stepped into class barely managed to hide a smirk.

 _Oh. My. God. Not again, you'd think I'd finally catch on, don't you? Seriously this guy, I swear everyone has it out for me._

Kagome let out a slight sigh, and walked to the back, seating herself near a window contemplating about why on earth she even agreed to be his sparring partner. Forcing herself to relax, there was no danger here after all.

With the class finally commencing the female students settled into their respective seats but no one had the courage to even dare to seat next to Kagome. Even Ayumi who was her friend stayed with her group far from her, only glancing at Kagome when she thought she wouldn't notice. This alone resulted in Kagome furthering herself into a more and more recluse person. The complete opposite of what she was before she was forced back into her own time.

Kagome kept her steely gaze towards the teacher, but she was neither listening nor paying attention. Her mind was far far away, away from the confines of this life. When she was but an innocent child, a teenager embarking on her very first journey. When she still had her pure heart and unclouded mind. When she experienced the few firsts, her _first_ love, her first heartbreak, her first true friends connected through their similar goals, her first child _**Shippou** , _and her **first death** that would inevitably change her very core. Lost track of time, Kagome didn't notice that she was the only student left in the room. The others leaving to go to their other classes.

"Miss Higurashi, MISS HIGURASHI." Toga slammed his book in front of her, his smirk taunting.

Kagome blinked, "Yes, sir?", she acknowledged him.

"If you're quite done staring at nothing, you'd discover that you've been left behind."

Through her peripheral vision, she identified that he was, in fact correct.

Clenching her jaw she gritted out, "I see, well if you will excuse me, sir, I'll be on my way."

Toga observing her with a grin and a glint in his usually dull blue eyes.

"Until tonight then... _Kagome_ ," he proclaimed.

With poise that she's gained throughout the years, she stood and proceeded to head towards her next class, feeling a penetrating gaze following her.

Rolling her eyes Kagome shot back,"Of course _Toga_."

The day went by quickly, nothing sticking out, nothing out of the norm. By the time the lectures concluded the sun was starting to set. Leaving the main building of Cross Academy, Kagome strode along the path full of a range of blossoming flowers, slightly directing herself towards a lesser traveled route to her small house. Where she could free herself if only for a short while, where the flowers seemed to always be blooming, where life was abundant. A safe-haven for her, a place only a few knew.

 **sigh**

She plopped herself down on the green grass, sitting upright and listening to the wild-life. Taking in the scenery, untouched by man, as nature should be, she let loose a carefree smile. The rare few she would let herself have was in this garden. Her **aura** relaxed and wavered slightly as it merged and fused into the environment. The butterflies where the first to come near her, fluttering about her hair. The small mammals were next, the bunnies sniffing her cautiously before rubbing their noses at her hands and legs. The birds landed on branches near her and some on her shoulders. Kagome felt at peace, serenity overwhelming any other feelings and thoughts she might have had.

Concealed in the shadows, a male figure stood absorbed by her presence. His gaze lingering on the smile adorning her delicate face.

 _How breathtaking she is..._

Smiling even further Kagome more amused than anything informed the presence cloaked in the darkness, "I know you're here you know...my dear Kaname."

Openly chuckling, Kaname stepped out of the shadows and bowed. "Of course, I should have known. You were always good at sniffing me out."

Narrowing her eyes, Kagome sent him a glare, "I am not a dog Kaname, I've told you time and time again. I'm not."

His lighthearted grin turned into a more pleased smile, "I know."

With authority and grace only he could possess, Kagome watched as he walked towards her and settled himself lying down beside her mindful of all the animals. She adjusted their position, Kaname's head on her thighs as she brushed her hands through his silky black hair. Content with the arrangement Kagome traced the outlines of his face using the tips of her fingers, starting from his chin, towards his noble nose and finally...to his **rich mahogany eyes**. Her movements stilled as amber eyes flickered on and off Kaname's eyes, and pale skin adorned with **magenta stripes** over Kaname's unmarred alabaster face. Kaname now concerned over Kagome's actions, her heavy breathing and her shaking hands sat up and held her face in his hands. Her powers fluctuated scaring off the animals, leaving only them in the meadow, silence filling the immediate area.

"Kagome! Kagome?!,"

His voice fell on deaf ears as she continued to stare at his face. Kagome's eyes fluttered as tears flowed freely down, dampening her cheeks.

Kagome's mixing up reality with the ones from her vision. Who she sees now isn't Kaname nor Inuyasha, but someone else. Someone she should know...used to know...

"Who-Who are you?..." she breathed whilst lifting her hand to hesitantly feel the sides of his face.

Vexed Kaname pulled her close and smashed his lips against her own, his tongue entering her mouth trying to elicit a response. Unrelenting he was, until finally giving up and letting their foreheads touch.

Peeved he closed his eyes and whispered exasperatedly, "It's me Kagome, me Kaname."

Her unseeing eyes only managed to blink and add to her emotionless face before she unceremoniously fainted. Concerned Kaname hoisted her up and secured her in his arms.

 **sigh**

 _Whatever will I do with you Kagome...Will you ever tell me your past? Your mysterious history with dogs and demons, with that Inuyasha. Why you have a secondary aura protecting you..._

He traversed through the shadows, his destination, Kagome's house.

•.X.•

 **Notable Details I'm currently willing to share:**

 **1\. Youki/Miko Ki/Aura - I did not make a mistake when I wrote those. Yes, Kagome does have Youki and Miko Ki for reason i'm not willing to divulge as of yet. And an aura is the life-force of a being or creature that is alive.**

 **2\. Trust - Trust is something that Kagome does not give easily. I will most likely post a chapter in the future on why this is and how Kaname got Kagome's trust.**

 **3\. Past - Kagome does have a past that isn't canon, it will be when she was but a child and straight after when she is sent back to the future.**

 **4\. The Feudal Era - Again things happen in this story that doesn't in the anime. Those will be the memories that Kagome will regain.**

 **5\. Closest human - Basically meaning that there are or were other people/beings who knew/knows Kagome better than Ayumi does.**

 **6\. Spider who just wouldn't die - Naraku obviously. He'll eventually be someone who is** **_very_ ****important in the story.**

 **7\. The supernatural - Again obviously the vampires, demons, otherbeingsidon'twanttosay...etc.**

 **8\. Trapped in the Shikon no Tama - The _things_** **that are held there will play an important role in future chapters...**

 **9\. Powers - Kagome has or will have new powers or refine the ones she already has.**

 **10\. A slight pink aura hue - Colours will change cause you know plot lmao**

 **11\. Shippou - Watch out for him, he'll be popping up soon**

 **12\. First Death - She's already died once. I'll post a chapter how that happened, but it does tie in closely to her lost memories...**

 **13\. Magenta stripes - I just wanted to make sure ya'll understand who she's talking/thinking 'bout and not mix up Inuyasha and _him_ up. **

**14\. Rich mahogany eyes - Kagome will see visions again about eye colors lmao.**

 **A/N: Well, uhh I'm not too satisfied with this chapter, but it is how is. The description section is long don't you think so? I just felt like adding that on there XD and I think I've may or may not have established when I'll post...either twice every week or every 3-4 days...lmao it's still not set in stone...and being me I most likely won't stick to that, and school's starting next week too...Anyways until the next update then.**


End file.
